Opening my eyes..

After the operation, I was unconscious for quite some time. I'm still not certain as to how many days passed before I opened my eyes. I was heavily sedated and had no sense of time or space. I didn't know where I was, didn't really know what had been done on me. I just knew that I was alive. 

Once I opened my eyes I was able to observe the place that I would get quite accustomed to over the course of few weeks. I was lying on the bed in what appeared to be a very small room. The tubes, the stands and the beeping apparatus' made me realise that I was in a hospital ward. The effect of the sedatives kept me in a highly confused state. I remember things only vaguely, like how one would recollect a dream that they had the previous night. 

I remember that I was still thirsty. I asked for some water, and the nurse who was in charge told me that I couldn't have it because of some tube that was going in through my mouth. The tracheostomy was yet to be done, so the tubes that supplied oxygen to my lungs went through my mouth. From water to food, everything was fed through my nostrils by means of a Ryles tube. It took perhaps a couple of weeks more before I was allowed to quench my thirst.

At that point I was yet to realise that I couldn't move my legs. In fact I couldn't move almost any part of my body. I was so weak that I couldn't lift my head up by myself. I looked at myself and noticed quite a lot of tubes all over my body. I remember being curious as to what each of those were and remember asking a few questions to the nurse about when and where I was and the like.

That was all I remember of the day when I opened my eyes for the first time after the accident.  

Doctors said, " You fought hard "

When I got discharged from the hospital after 26 intense days, I had a small chat with the doctors before leaving. I wanted to thank them for the huge part they have played in my life. While conversing, one of the doctors said, " As much as we have put in our work, it was also your effort that you are alive right now. You really fought hard. "

Well, I've never been much of a fighter. And what I went through in the course of those 26 days was truly struggles which I could never have imagined ever in my life before the accident. Yet through all those hardships, to my surprise, I really was strong. I never did share my difficulties with neither my parents nor my sister when they came to see me. I knew they would be struggling too. I didn't want to add to their woes. I cried alone.

What I suffered during my days ranged from physical pain to emotions of guilt, of anxiety and of fear. It was hardship in the magnitude of which I had never experienced in my short and pampered stay in this world. There have been times in my life when even lesser struggles have pulled me down. So what was it this time that gave me a strong heart ? A heart to fight for my life, a heart to just survive and come back to see my loved ones ?

I can hardly think of any other reason than this. I fought with the strength I received from God our father. His Word comforted me. He gave me hope through all those burdens. He eased all the worries from my mind. It was truly a miracle that I of all people, a man who never really had to fight for anything in my life fought with strength, for my life.

The moment the doctor said, " You have fought hard", I knew for sure who deserved the praise.

In subsequent posts I wish to share with you all about my experiences in the ICU, focussing on the struggles. I had this debate in my head to see if it really was necessary that people should know about what I went through. I decided that only when you know about all the pains that I went through, will the joy that Christ filled in my heart amidst all those pains, get the right perspective.

I wished to write these posts lot sooner, but the devil as always keeps me from doing the things I wish to do for Jesus. As was with my first three posts, I have again had to pray to God for strength to fight all the seductions of the devil in order to write this post.

So I hope and pray that God gives me His strength yet again to patiently recollect and share my memoirs sooner, and to fight the devil and his deception. If you do read this post, spare a minute and pray for the same. All glory to Christ my King.