NOW: Challenge - COMPLETE !

[ Posts tagged NOW are recent events that I share nearly immediately after the events take place. This is to avoid confusion with the timeline of events. If you wish to read about my life in chronological order, skip the posts tagged 'NOW' ]

Before I kicked off the start of my week long abstinence from the internet, I wasn't sure of how it was going to be. Ever since the accident, since my mobility has been compromised and I'm confined to my bed, I keep myself occupied almost solely with either my mobile or with my iPad. So I had no idea how it was going to be without them.

The first day was hard. I felt as though I was almost caught off guard. I read my Bible for a duration much longer than usual, I tried to watch a few messages online, but when I wasn't doing either I felt so empty almost. I didn't know what I could do. I felt the urge to pick up my phone and start a convo with my girl, who I started to miss in this short duration. I felt like I could login to twitter, or start a game and while away my time. But with the strength of God I was able to resist.

My mum noticed the bewildered look on my face and asked me what's up. I told her during the weekend that I would be doing what I was doing so she caught up quickly. She reminded me the importance of the fast where if you're undergoing some sort of self imposed abstinence for The Lord, it was important to keep the suffering inside and never allow yourself to show others. 

I always believed in the same. If you fast and show others that you're suffering for the sake of the Lord then it is a fast for the sake of men. But if you can keep all your emotions under check and put on a normal cheerful face while you undergo it, then it pleases God. So from then on, whenever frustration crept in I learnt to keep it within myself.

I couldn't say I spent all my entire week for the Lord. I didn't lock myself up. So whenever I was around people, my parents, sis and other relatives, I would just be chatting with em. But in the usual gaps during my day when I'm alone, I spent it with God. And it was quite a blessed few days.

Daily activities in solitude included reading the Bible, reading Christ-centric articles, watching Christian videos, listening to gospel rock music and the likes. I even dusted up my old guitar that I had never learnt to play properly and gave a shot at the few chords and scales I knew. So overall I could look back and tell myself that it was time well spent.

Overall it wasn't just about those seven days. Even after I finished the fast I've been able to have a better control over myself. I'm able to resist the urge to indulge in stuff that jus took a solid bite of my time. Stuff like twitter, watching cricket or football top the list. But I hope to do everything, yet with more restraint.

So that's just how my week has been. If you're one of those young people who's always looking into your phone and deep inside your heart you have to desire to look up ( to the heavens, and get closer to God ) then do give this a try. Since not many would have a whole lotta time like I do at present, you could pick a day when you'll be free from your regular work and give it a shot. I can assure you, it does make you feel better within.

Well, so that's just how my week went. Hope sharing this was useful to whoever it is that stumbles across this page. May the Lord bless you.

Thirst!

Thirst! That's all, just the raw desire to have water run down your throat. If you've read about my description of the moments after the accident, you'd remember that I cried for water. But from then on, right upto the moment I opened my eyes, my thrist hadn't been quenched. And it wasn't for a few more weeks.

I longed to drink juices. I could only think of all the wonderful tastey drinks that I had in the recent past and satisfy my senses. During those weeks my thirst had reached so desperate levels that the mere thought of gulping water down my throat gave me immense pleasure. 

As a kid one of the parts of the Bible that really scared me to the core was the parable of 'The Rich Man and Lazarus'. Apart from the message Jesus wished to convey, the aspects of the parable that freaked me out was the way in which it described hell. 

The rich man who lived a luxurious life in which he had no concern for the less fortunate, was thrown in hell. But the poor begger Lazarus, who ate of the crumbs that fell off the rich mans table went to heaven. From hell the rich man looks up and sees Lazarus standing beside Father Abraham. Suffering from thirst in the burning fires of hell, the rich man asks Father Abraham to send Lazarus with a finger dipped in water, so that he can cool the rich mans tongue. But he cannot recieve even that much in hell. Father Abraham declines.

In the ICU the thirst I had was similar to what the rich man felt. I asked the nurses to do very little as to give me water from the cap of a bottle or to wet my tongue. But I recieved neither. Thanks to God, those sufferings were only for a matter of a few weeks, and not as the eternal suffering as hell. 

Once they changed me to the second tracheostomy tube in was allowed to finally drink water. It was such a huge relief when I gulped my first cup of orange juice. Tender coconut water and watermelon juice I drank to my fill. I really cannot describe the happiness I felt as I quenched my thirst.

Now it's over a year and a couple of months since those events. I have water and juices in abundance. As I write this post, I'm reminded well of the times when I suffered without something as simple and easily available as water. I guess every time I am thirsty, I should count the water that I drink as a blessing from God.

The most unbearable pain I've ever felt..

Soon after regaining consciousness I was introduced to the worst pain that I have ever felt , and hopefully the worst I will ever feel in the remainder of my life. 

I had said earlier that during my accident I was dragged along the road stuck between the lorry tire and the tar road. I had said about how the weight of the lorry crushed the organs in the left side of my torso and a bit of my chest. But what I hadn't said was about the damages to a major portion of my back.

As my body was dragged along the surface of the road initially majority of the top skin on my back was torn away. Anyone who has fallen on the road and grazed along know how much of a pain that can be. Most people would have such a scar on their knees or elbows. But the damage didn't stop there for me.

Under the crushing weight of the water lorry, the friction between the two surfaces increased the temperature to a very high degree. And without the top layer of skin to cover it, the damage was severe. Doctors compared the wound on my back to a burn rather than an abrasion.

Surprisingly the dermatologists involved decided that no surgery would be required and spared me the pain of plastic surgery, where some skin from my thigh would've been taken and grafted on to my back. But I was soon to find out, that that was the only pain that I was spared from.

The second incident I remember after I opened my eyes was pain, pure raw pain. The wound was kept dressed, and even though I lay on it, I felt little discomfort. But when it was time for my daily bed bath, it had to be changed. And unfortunately there wasn't an easy way to do it. The dressing simply had to be pulled out.

The dressing pad was about 70 % the size of my back. And it was stuck on to my back with the help of micropore tapes. Micropore tapes are like cello tapes, but they stick on in a more skin friendly manner than cello tapes. 

So first things first, they had to remove the micropore tape. As each micropore was removed, the smaller hair follicles on my back would get pulled out. Ouch ! I would imagine that would be something people who wax their skin feel like. Painful, but it wasn't that bad. They had to turn me from side to side as they did this.

As my left rib cage had fractures, lying on my left side was quite a discomfort. But as I couldn't lie on my chest yet, this had to be done. Once they removed the micropores, it was time for the real pain. 

The wound was still very raw that it would stick to the dressing. But what's gotta be done, should be done. They would pull the dressing out by force. Every time they did it I felt as if my skin was being torn away. Maybe that was just what happened. My skin was being torn away perhaps, again. 

To ease my pain some saline water would be poured over my wound. The cool water would have a mild soothing effect. But nothing can perhaps fully cover the pain.

They say that shouting or swearing improves your pain tolerance. Unfortunately I couldn't do that either. For a majority of days when I was in the ICU I was under tracheostomy, and I couldn't utter a sound through my mouth. I would open my mouth and try to cry in pain, but there would be no sound. Only a few tears would escape my eyes. 

In order to keep me from pulling out a few tubes by mistake I would be held in place by one nursing staff as another worked on my back. So no moving, no shouting, I just had to patiently suffer the pain. And I did just that, for about three weeks till the scar tissue started forming and the pain began to subside. Some days I was more patient, some days less. But either ways not a word could escape my lips.

The dressing became a routine activity. Morning and evening, twice a day on most days. Sometimes if there was a need it was also done a third time.

People sometimes look at me in this state, unable to walk and all, and they wonder how I could be so happy. Firstly, it is the hope that everything will be fine soon and that God will work a miracle in my life. But secondly, it is the fact that I'm no longer going through pain that I once had to go through. Tell me, wouldn't you be relieved, happy and grateful if God took away so much pain from your life ?

NOW: A Spiritual Exercise

[ Posts tagged NOW are recent events that I share nearly immediately after the events take place. This is to avoid confusion with the timeline of events. If you wish to read about my life in chronological order, skip the posts tagged 'NOW' ]

Starting today, the 10th of July 2014, I'm trying out something new that I hope will help me in my relationship with the Lord. 

Fasting was always an act of faith that I could never really understand. I've seen many people who've done it, and those who do it on a regular basis. I thought it was a piece of superstition until I actually started reading the Bible. The Lord Himself says that prayer and fasting is a special combination that can enable one to do great things ( Mark 9:29 ).

But what could be so special about not eating your food ? Well, it is more than just skipping meals. When we keep ourselves from eating, we are denying ourselves something that our body craves for. The fact that we are doing this with the sole reason of pleasing our Lord, makes it special in God's eyes. 

In my life however, food is something that I do not even enjoy much. Even while eating I have a mobile or tab in hand, and my mind explores various things. I wouldn't even remember what I ate for breakfast or lunch on most days. If there is ever a thing in my life that keeps me away from doing what is right in Gods sight it is this technology. I am connected to the internet almost always. And even without a job or any kind of work to do I am a busy body 24x7.

Now if fasting is the denying of what the body craves, what I wish to do is to deny my minds cravings. I am going to stay away from the things that I mindlessly do on my phone, tab or computer keeping myself busy all day. And I am doing this with no other reason, but to get closer to Jesus, and to build a better relationship with Him while I'm stuck in bed.

I don't want to confuse what I'm doing with the Biblical fasting. Spiritually, doing this may not give me the same benefits of fasting the body. Biblical fasting of the body is the only fasting that has promises from God. But I hope that I will come closer to God in the days I spend by fasting my mind.

I fast my mind under the following conditions :

I will not use my mobile / tablet unless it is to,

- read the Bible/ hear sermons/ watch shows that discus the faith/ listen to Gospel music

- respond to elders ( people who you could not ignore ), via mail or msgs if I am contacted. So naturally, I will check my SMS and email. ( these are things I do out of obligation rather than to please my mind. And I hardly ever spend more than 5 mins a week doing this. So I didn't feel it will deter me much. Hence I added it to the list )

- write Christ themed posts, like this one.

- fulfil my parents/sisters requirements, if any. ( like paying bills and stuff. Clearly I'm doing these stuff for them and not to please my mind )

- read the newspaper online. ( I would otherwise read the physical copy. But this is easier. I limit myself to half an hour a day though )

And that's it. Normal days otherwise. But I'm pretty sure it won't be normal for me.

This is how it's gonna be till next Tuesday. A week without the internet.